Top Ten Sexiest Transformers

So Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. This means that everyone and their mother will be creating the ultimate in clickbait: top ten Valentine’s Day lists. I admit this is going to be a challenge when it comes to Transformers. First of all, most of the robots are dudes. Which means that outside of Rewind and Chromedome in the comics, there aren’t that many Transformers romantic plots. That aren’t fanfiction.

That’s not going to stop me, though. We all love Transformers, and some of them are sexy.  Here’s Till All Are Fun’s list of top ten sexiest Transformers.

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10. Breastforce

OK, so maybe this Decepticon subgroup wasn’t actually sexy, per se. However, they were called Breastforce. BREASTFORCE. They were so named because their chest area transformed either into an animal companion or a gun. Make no mistake… these boobs are DANGEROUS.

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9. Powerglide

Proof positive that the robot are stealing all our women. And he’s not even that good looking. I mean… a strapping dude like Ironhide or a trim fella like Mirage, I can sort of understand. But Powerglide? The guy’s built like a beer keg! Let’s face it, dudes… we got no hope once the alien robots arrive.

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8. Alice

So Alice is basically every single female lead that Michael Bay casts in his movie… only, holy crap, she’s a ROBOT IN DISGUISE! That sort of gives her a leg up on Megan Fox and … other girl, doesn’t it? Alice is also a “Pretender,” the Transformers subgroup that easily had the catchiest theme song.

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7. Devastator

It turns out that Revenge of the Fallen was chock full of sexiness. There was the aforementioned Alice. Scenes of dogs humping. Scenes of a robot humping Megan Fox’s leg. And then there was Devastator. No, not that one. Or the one that everyone likes. I mean the one with the giant balls.

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6. Heinrad

And before you think Michael Bay was the guy who came up with putting metal testicles on robots, let me introduce you to Heinrad from Beast Wars Neo. The guy transforms into a clock. Bot not just any clock! A Tanooki. Which is a creature from Japanese folklore best known for having gigantic balls, which it could play as a drum. Hence, you see those darkly colored orbs on the toy?

Yes.

Yes they are.

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5. Hot Rod

For the uninitiated, KISS Players is an in-continuity Transformers storyline that united G1 continuity with several other Japanese spin-offs. It’s also the one where Transformers get special powers when kissed by underaged girls. It’s super creepy. Anyway, we always knew that Hot Rod was a handsome lad. Here he is getting kissed by a girl.

Damn you, robots! Stay away from our women!

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4. Star Saber

Strangely, the trend of pairing up Transformers with young ladies continues unabated. As recently as 2013, in fact. Transformers GT paired rally-car racing transforming robots with gals in skimpy outfits. Here’s Star Saber with his partner, Anna.

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3. Windblade

Windblade is the first new female Transformer introduced in IDW continuity.  (Arcee almost doesn’t count, being that she was forcibly transformed into a woman.)  She was also created via online fan poll.  And yet, she’s already hit the blocks running.  Both a toy and a comic miniseries of this totally new character are planned.  That’s pretty sexy.  Also those high heels are tres chic.

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2. Blackarachnia

When it comes to lady Transformers, few have the raw sex appeal as Blackarachnia. Especially the version that appeared in Beast Machines. Other Blackarachnias have that weird looking helmet and those blocky limbs. The one from Beast Machines, though, is all woman. She’s designed unapologetically with curves on curves, looking less like a Transformer and more like a fashion model.  The giant backside may be much, but some guys go for a lady with an an ample caboose.   Sorry, Arcee.

However, she can’t hold a candle to number one….

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1. Optimus Prime

Was there any doubt? Look at him.

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Just look at him.

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The dude’s a total babe magnet.

Dishonorable Mention:

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Legion

Why. For God’s sake, WHY. Here’s Transformers GT Megatron to help cleanse that image out of your brain.

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